I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
