Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
