I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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