I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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