You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
