You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
