The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
