I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
