I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
