ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
