but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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