i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Your cock deserves a montage
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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