Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
