he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
