4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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