i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
