oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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