hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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