You don't have asthma, your pregnant
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
