He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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