If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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