I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we made out on top of his cat.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
