I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
