On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
