My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You were trust falling into bushes
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
