Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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