I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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