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i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
