my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
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