After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
