I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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