just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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