all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
