i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
