Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Sober January is a disaster.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
