Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
