do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
