you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
