"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
