Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
