The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
