I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
