I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
