I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
