i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm always down for nudity.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
