Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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