Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Terrible idea I love it
I need water and some morals
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
