he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
