her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i now understand why vodka
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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