Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
