I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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