it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
