Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
