Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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