fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
