is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
