Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
