You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
