OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
